Where do I even begin! lol Eight months ago when we found out we were pregnant we were so excited and just thought that this was going to be the happiest time of our lives and we soon then realized Mike was leaving for the military and he got his orders to leave, so he left about two months into me being pregnant and then I was alone from then on out with minimal communication with him. All the while my dad‘s cancer had come back, dealing with that and all of the emotions from pregnancy has made me realize so much and how you can count on specific people and how you cannot. It has put a lot of things into perspective for me and made me realize that I don’t really need anyone to help me with anything and that I truly can only count on myself and although that may seem sad it has helped me with gaining so much confidence in myself and I can’t lie and say I’ve had zero help because I have, but you can really tell who is authentically helping you and who is not. My best gal pal, Vanessa, is always coming in clutch with everything and just being my support woman through this entire journey for me. She has a listened to me cry, listened to me laugh and listened to me be so pissed off and I truly don’t know where I would be without her right now.
So my dad‘s cancer came back and unfortunately there was nothing that the doctors were able to do, and all the while Covid-19 is happening, so we weren’t able to be in the hospital with him and only till recently (December) was my mom able to be with him in the room but they would not let her stay the night. There was only two options we could really do for my dad and that was repeat radiation, but there was a really small chance that they would hit that specific spot and they made sure to let us know that it could actually do more harm than good and there was one other treatment that they were recommending but it was kind of like they made it seem it was a 50-50 chance he would survive doing it -which we already knew that but they made it seem way more serious. So they gave my mom two options and that was one- put my dad in a nursing home or two- take him home and relieve all care from the hospital and just hire hospice to help him be comfortable until God took him from us. So my mom chose hospice, for obvious reasons, we could all be there with him and spend these last times together, and that’s what we did every weekend- we were always there and really just keeping him company and just enjoying his last moments that we’ve had together as a family.
On another note, my job has not made it very easy for me to take the time off I need after I have the baby and they rely on me for a lot which is stressful on my own part and throughout this entire journey I’ve tried to remain stress-free and not worry about things I can’t control, but that has been a very hard task on my end especially when you work with people who are not too sure where their business is going and put a lot of the pressure on you. And now we are dwindling down to the last of month of my pregnancy and it is February 2021 we just had a major freeze in Texas and on Valentine’s Day, February 14 my dad passed away and that was truly devastating. I stayed the week with my mom and one of her pipes began leaking and then I get a call that a pipe burst outside of my house and I was just completely stressed out and my emotions were all over the place. I ended up having some cramping and Braxton Hicks contractions and I went to my doctor appointment and my doctor mentioned to me that those are not Braxton Hicks those are actual contractions and I really need to chill out, because I am assuming the stress and just overwhelming things that have happened the past week have really pushed me to my limit and stressed baby out in my tummy, so this week I’m trying to take it easy and just really relax on everything.
I am down to my last month and it has been just one crazy ride, although I love feeling her move in my belly and just experiencing this, I wish my husband was here to experience this journey with me and I wish I didn’t have to deal with all of this on my own from Covid, my dad being sick, the freeze, taking care of all of the house responsibilities. I know that many women do this and so much more all alone and through rougher things, and thats understandable, but for me, I didn’t know how strong I was until this moment in my life. I know, people are going to say this is the life we signed up for because he chose to be in the military, but he’s following his dream and as a supportive wife, I have to support him in this and I know if it was vice versa he would support me 100%. It just sucks and I think that we are allowed to feel that and we don’t have to be 100% all the time and pretend to be happy and pretend to enjoy every single moment of this because it’s not always the best, and it does suck sometimes and it sucks going to doctor appointments alone, listening to the heartbeat and doing all these things and hitting all these milestones alone, it sucks and there’s nothing I can do about it at this point, but I am so excited to meet our baby girl and I know Mike is so excited as well. He mentions that to me every single time that we talk. He said to me the other night, “I can’t wait to hold our little girl” and that melted my heart to pieces!!
Just a little recap on Mike, he graduated Basic and AIT and is in a hold over till he gets to airborne school and that will be happening March 1 (hopefully) it’s about three weeks and then he will be home for the delivery of baby girl and take his paternity leave and then he’ll head back to training and potentially mid to end this year we will have His orders on where we will be moving to, so if you’re looking for a house in Texas specifically Sugarland Missouri city area, hit me up!
Nevertheless, I just wanna let you know that although life can suck sometimes and you may feel that everything is just hitting you at once and you can’t catch a break, and that negative energy is just surrounding you, just remember that God doesn’t put you through things that you cannot handle and this is strengthening you for some so much more. You don’t always have to have a positive attitude, you’re OK to feel how you wanna feel, those feelings are yours and you are able to feel however the hell you want to feel.
Third Trimester Updates:
- Increased hunger – Not wanting any meats
- Fatigue
- Not liking the “taste” of water
- Uncomfortable all the time
- Stretch marks since she “dropped”
- Increased lower back pain
- Irritability
- Swollen hands and feet
- Hot Flashes
- Shortness of breath
- Braxton Hicks
- Lightening Crotch
- Pelvic Pain
PS: My OBGYN is aware of all these.
XO| Essence
Finding my Essence 